Wanting What You Have

What if what you are seeking is the unruly splendor you already have?

Photo by Vera Aksionava

Seeking started for me in full force when I was 17, so for most of my life I have heard many forms of ‘you already are what you are seeking’.

“…it is only when the entity disappears that the mystery dissolves, for the simple reason that the seeker is what he is searching for.” Nisargadatta Maharaj

Hearing this wisdom repeated over and over did not help me to understand it, even though it has been many years since seeking ended.

Yet when a new student was asked “What are you seeking?” in a Satsang I attended last week, the inner answer that came to me unbidden was ‘what I already have’.

My experience is that these type of answers don’t come from where we think they do. The most important messages come in from somewhere that has nothing to do with ‘me’.

As the illusions fall, life begins to simplify.

I am not saying it’s easier. One of my teachers, Bala, talked about there being no filters once awakening happens. Every feeling comes straight in to be felt. There are no more mental constructs to deflect them.

It can feel like more pain, not less.

There is absurdity to being a seeker. You are being sought. Seeking is occurring and ‘you’ have absolutely nothing to do with its ending nor its continuing.

This is true of every part of our lives- even this writing is being requested.

Ramesh Balsekar said that “The Source has created the ego, and the Source is in the process of destroying the ego in some cases. That’s why your head is in the tiger’s mouth. There’s no escape. There is no escape if you fight the ego, the tiger will have its mouth open for ages and ages. You accept the ego, and the tiger will snap its jaws quickly.”

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With love,

Heidi