Frankly, this is the last thing I wanted to write about. A substack horoscope brought arguing to my awareness (thank you, Erin Reese) and I have been gnawing at it ever since. I didn’t want to think about nor look at it. I just wanted it to go away and never come back.
Why? Because apparently I am an arguer and it doesn’t feel very fun. And it hasn’t “cleared up” in 73 years so I am coming to the conclusion that I will continue to be living with it.
Today my husband and I argued about a dead plant in a a pot in the driveway. Pretty serious, right? Well worth stomping off in a huff😬
I do not like being seen this way nor do I like seeing myself in this light.
In the Forest Dweller years it becomes really fricking obvious that there is no one to blame for how you are- even yourself!
As Ramesh Balsekar has said “Thy will be done’ is not strictly correct [because] ‘thy will’ has been done. Therefore, the movie is already in the can.”
This is such a wonderful pointer when I get caught up in my thoughts “I shouldn’t have argued about this. What am I doing? There must be a good book about how not to argue. Or perhaps a workshop?” My default setting. My egoic last grasp at hoping I can control something. Honestly, these thoughts now feel more like a fairy tale than anything real.
At this point in time, changing the way I am feels so draining and exhausting because I know I can’t do it! YES change happens, but not the way we have been taught it does.
I was lucky to have been able to spend time with my mom before she died. She had an incredible life, lost her first husband in WW11, worked as an executive secretary to Walt Disney, always wanted to be a blues musician but was thwarted by her parents. She ended up spending her 40s singing and playing in piano bars. She was a real fighter. At any rate, one of the last things she wanted to tell me is that she realized “life is all about acceptance.”
While I am confessing, I guess I should also add- I tend to yell.
Guess I probably won’t be a quiet, placid oldster.
Oh well!
I’m grateful for everyone reading- you inspire me to keep going.
I really love hearing your thoughts too! Thank you!
Glad to hear you've still got that fire in your belly. Reminds me of Alison 🤣
Of course I love this! My input, though?
You are *squawking*. There is a real difference between squawking and expressing vs. arguing.
Arguing comes with an identified belief (calcified) that you should have it your way. Different than a preference. There is a lack of understanding that everything is unfolding perfectly. There is a lingering belief in control.
When all that identification goes...well...it's a squawking, wild and free, Forest Dwelling Bird.
Exactly as You Are...
🦜🦜🦜