Community Ties
“I love humanity, but I hate people.” Edna St. Vincent Millay
Several years ago I realized I was never going to fit in with cultural norms around being part of a community. Initially, as a Forest Dweller, I was pretty certain I could find a version of ‘community lite’ where I could reduce my unwanted social obligations while still maintaining a patina of acceptable community ties.
Sadly that has turned out to be a fantasy. No matter how much I think I want to participate, the idea of a New Year’s Eve progressive dinner or a dress up tea party has me scrambling to run as fast as I can back to my dog and my garden. My attempts at a book club and the master gardeners program left me drained and irritated.
The quote above may seem extreme, but I honestly do better with A LOT of alone time and quiet. I deflate quickly with small talk and often need a day (or more) of recovery after a big social event.
Of course there’s quite a difference between being social and being part of a community- thank goodness. Really we are part of a community whether we participate in it completely or completely resist participating in it.
I had a breakthrough in how I think of community involvement a few weeks ago. It opened up an avenue for me to participate in a way that is creative and fun for me and not because I should or must or it is the right thing to do.
I was out walking the neighborhood with a friend. Someone had left out a beach bucket filled with various colors of sidewalk chalk. There was an invitation written on the driveway to create some art for yourself. We both grabbed chalk and took several minutes drawing some pictures and a thank you. These neighbors had found a simple way that we could participate with them.
Later that week I happened to find some of the first mangoes of the season at a local market. After tasting them, I got very excited about buying some to share with several of our neighbors. (I think food might be my Love Language.) I packaged up lots of bags- even for our FedEx guy and two people at my gym.
I was so happy delivering them. It was a beautiful way to connect that didn’t have an ounce of my not wanting to do it. One neighbor had an artist friend visiting. She painted the mangos! (They really were beautiful.) Another woman I had never met was given one and when she found out I had brought them, mentioned that her day turned around when she ate it.
I am not making a rule out of this, nor a prescription. We’ll see what happens with this new insight! But I do have 15 large tomato plants growing in my back yard right now and there’s no way my husband and I can eat them all.☺️
❤️I deeply appreciate substack and the community of like-minded people I have found here. Thank you for commenting, sharing and subscribing.
!
i live in a tiny neighborhood with a lot of diversity around how we all like to hang out. One neighbor gets great satisfaction when we come over to watch shows and will barely come to any public event, he hates them, another we work together on the garden and another we sometimes stop on the road to say hi…since we all live in a very bossy canyon it is the land that always pulls us together, who saw what predators, whats going on as far as road maintenance, water in the creek, fire season - its all very close. and it really ties us together so I’m not surprised that food has helped tie you into your place of belonging, it can be so hard when we dont have loud land to help us all connect.
the chalk bucket was a lovely thought and i will see what creative endeavors I can bring into our canyon….
Love this and would thoroughly receive being a part of your Love Language. Joy! That is the way. Whatever brings us JOY. I know it sounds cliche. But it's true!
I love that you differentiate between being social and being in community. Important!
Thanks, Heidi!